Like an old log with hundreds of staples... I got into a bit of a blue state last weekend.
It resulted from going out to a club against my heart's desire and subsequently feeling like I was a) invisible b) ugly and c) unhappy.
I emailed a friend, my favourite knight in shining ink, who wordsmithed me back to a neutral level. I was reminded to NOT go to bars and expect any gratification and that I am beautiful to those that matter. This is not a space for me.
The next day the blues lingered as I walked by the lake to the farmers markets... but when I arrived I saw a friend holding beautiful roses and I thought 'I want!' so I went to the stall's man.
"Yellow for friendship" he said and then grabbed a bunch with a pink one in the mix. This made me happy. That's so me.
On the walk home I really saw the beauty of the lake, and instead of crossing the bridge, I walked down the slope and sat underneath it with my roses.
Rather than pass beauty by, I thought I'd take my glimpse into immersion.
The water was such an incredible teal.
The sky, an endless deep blue.
The distant sound of children giggling and dandelions skimming across the waters surface.
It caused me to shift. I suppose like a therapy, if you sit in beauty and observe, it starts to alter your mood.
I took this concept with me today, even though I was feeling pretty good.
I drove to a crochet class, following an urge I'd had for a while, I put all else aside and just went.
I loved learning something new with ol biddies whilst being given cups of tea
and being told I was very good for a beginner (always helps).
When I went to the van a man approached me to see if I wanted to sell it.
After ten minutes he had offered to teach me to surf and sail and I went on my merry way on a high.
I decided to take this vibe further and stopped at Cooroy Botanic Gardens which I had only heard about.
As soon as I walked in I saw two birds I'd never seen before. Unnoticed by other passers by.
Each step I gently took didn't seem to scare them. I couldn't believe how close they allowed me.
I had a little chat and whistle with them and then took a snap.
A tawny frogmouth I later find out.
And the beauty of everything in the park, people-less, came crashing into my heart.
I saw things I'd never seen.
A snowing white jacaranda
A cluster fig
I really wanted to analyse why I felt so good, how everything seemed to be so gorgeous and my life felt flowing.
I was afraid that if I thought too hard about it that it would slip between my fingers.
But I can't really help myself.
So my theory is that if you really do what your heart wants, in any moment, then life unfolds for you, just so, just beautifully.
And if you open your eyes to explore the space in which you heart is blooming, then this enhances the joy you feel.
Words never do convey the greatness of the experience, but I'm trying. And perhaps with pictures, you get more of the feeling.
Try it and see?
[current mood] Lettuce and Banana Smoothies & Marvin Gaye (ay!)