Confessions of a Phlegmy Heart
Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 5:17PM 
Warning: This post is about mucus
I was lying in bed last night at the tail end of a little throat/chest immune-system breakdown, so you know, relieving myself of the build up.
And I began to contemplate the satisfaction of the cough up. I figured the joy is derived from the sense of release. It creates an opening, a new space in your chest - which just so happens to be the heart chakra.
It caused me to think of a particular relationship I had. (As phlegm would). Let's call him…. "Black Knight". A tall, dark and handsome Black Knight that descended on my life and lifted me up like a moon in his sky.
Like all twisted fairytales however, the ending was tragic, causing me to deny the good of ever having had Black Knight in my life.
Ever since, whenever I've spoken with a person of mystical power they look into my eye and go, "oh oh.. so sad so sad".
And I scramble for answers "What kind of sadness? A deep longing or a specific situation? Is it recent or is it a past life sadness? Do I need to do life regression? Does it run really deep? But I don't know why I'm sad? Am I really sad? Tell me how to not be sad?"
The bugger is they can't actually answer my questions… except with "Don't worry. Be happy!"
"oh, okay, why didn't I think of that!!"
I've wondered whether this Black Knight has something to do with it. I'm over it, I think.
I then recalled my teacosy-knitting conversation with my neighbour from yesterday. She talked about the concept of having a soul mate and although that connection may be amazing and divine, you're not necessarily meant to be with them. They appear to show you your soul, to challenge the hell out of you, but a relationship with them will never be easy.
As I lie in bed pondering, it dawns on me that I have been denying this. I haven't actually mourned the loss of Black Knight as a true soul mate. I just tossed him into the tosser basket. Besides the terrible parts, we did have something I may possibly never experience again. It was rare and it is devastating that it has been and gone in my life. And yes, yes I am sad! I have been harbouring some phlegm in the bottom of my heart. In that moment, I let go of all the resentment, relaxing my chest, I open myself up to the feeling of that goodness and acceptance…. and I release!
Luckily though it came in the form of tears.
Crying is like coughing up the phlegm of your heart.
Now all those Indian BS shamans, iridologist naturopaths and Ubud magic men can re-look in my eye and say "oh you so happy, so good, you free"!
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Reader Comments (3)
and thanks for the pats "davida"! I think a white knight with no shining armour would be perfectly suitable.